In Third Person

A personal look into video games, the video game industry and video game culture.

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For the past few weeks, you've probably read a lot of my Street Fighter IV posts. Ever since I got an XBOX Live gold account in May, Street Fighter IV has become a huge part of my life. Besides dropping over 100 hours into the game and playing over 1600 online matches, I've spent a ton of time listening to Gooteck's Street Fighter Podcast, reading the Street Fighter thread over at NeoGaf, watched any tournament videos I could on YouTube, and almost dropped $200 on a Mad Catz TE Fight Stick.

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It's been fun to get sucked back into the universe of Ryu, Ken and the rest of the gang. The feeling was almost like I was sucked back into 1992, when fighting games first burst onto the scene, except I was now old enough to not suck at them and I could fight everyone around the world from the comfort of my living room. However, I've come to the realization that I need to take a break. The game is grabbing me unlike any game before it, and it's kind of scary.

The adrenaline rush I get from online one-on-one Street Fighter competition is doing some really weird things to me. I'm generally a cool and calm guy, but I get seriously psyched up playing this game. When I'm winning, I get cocky. I'll yell at the screen, whether I'm winning or losing. I think what really sets me off is the losing.

I'm not a sore loser. I've never rage quit. I've lost a good few hundred matches in these last few months; most of which occured against opponents I never had a chance of beating. But those losses hurt. I think part of that comes from the fact that this is the first fighting game I can actually beat strangers in. Throughout my history of playing against strangers, I've lost every single time. If I were to play BlazBlue or Marvel Vs. Capcom 2 right now, I would lose every single time. However, I don't get mad cause I know I'm not that good to begin with.

With Street Fighter IV, I've proven that I can hang to a point. I've won over 1000 matches with a winning percentage of over 70%. It feels awesome to win. But because I now have so much invested in this game, losing hurts so much more. They hurt to the point where I would yell vulgar language, pound my hand against the armrest of my chair as hard as I could, throw my controller and just be overcome with pure rage. I've had an ex-girlfriend confess to me that she was cheating on me, and the anger I felt then did not match the anger I would instantly feel losing a close match in Street Fighter IV. This feeling would hit me almost every single time I lost.

Even when I can totally rationalize why I lost, or I learned something valuable from it for the next fight, or even when I've tried to consciously calm myself down, this feeling of rage just overcomes me. I've been playing video games for almost all of my life, and never have I exuded this type of behaviour before. I don't play games to become filled with rage. It's actually freaking me out.

Which is why I've decided that I need a break from Street Fighter IV. I buried it to the bottom of my XBOX 360 games pile, where it'll sit until I feel I'm ready for it.

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